Losing Steam

A once proud and mighty ship with sails extended to catch a wind that fails to arrive. Something must give. Surely this will pass, but not soon enough. Dilemma, loss of hope and apathy. Dreadful feelings that one would rather not endure, yet ever present they are.

There once was....but will it return? Will it reveal itself? So the journey continues, rudderless, without steam....LOST.

Pleasant discovery

I went out for a nice ride yesterday afternoon after spending the morning watching two World Cup matches. It was great to get out on the road especially since I haven't been riding much lately, with the exception of going to the gym and taking care of some errands. I've been caught up with futbol since June 11 and will most likely be tied up with it until the finale.

Anyway, I'm a fan of the composer Chopin aka the poet of the piano. Remarkable and beautiful his works are indeed. I've appreciated his music since I was a child and is still my favorite of the well known classical composers. I discovered a few weeks past that the LA County Museum of Arts presents weekly recitals on Sunday afternoons. They are free and open to the public which is great in these harsh economic times. Well, after my ride up PCH I cruised over to LACMA and arrived just in time. I was able to observe two performances: 1) a cellist and pianist and 2) a pianist and a soprano vocalist. I enjoyed the first performance the most since I'm not into opera style singing.

It's nice to know and experience small pleasure such as these....a pleasant Sunday afternoon it was.....

In a rut...

I've been pretty gloom lately. Seems like a cornucopia of negativity and overall discontent has encompassed me. I can easily identify the major components of my current state: My knee and the fact after a year I'm in the same place with it AND that I need another surgery, and the inability to find suitable employment after so many months. Sure I work here and there but, it's nothing concrete and definitely not gratifying.

Riding my bike brings me peace, but let's face it I can't ride all the time. I'm disappointed with life at the moment....not good. I figure I post this here since I'm not the type to pester others with my problems. I may seek the counsel of others on minor issues in my life, however, I don't like to impose my issues on others. Everyone has problems and I'm no different.

I really hope things change soon 'cause I'm feeling mighty miserable lately.........

The joy, the unexpected, the sorrow

Life sometimes presents surprises that are unexpected. Some are joyous, while others not so much...then you have those that are sad yet disguised as blissful and vice versa. I'm glad I've had the benefit of partaking in both. At times I may feel resentment and anger at the sad and hurtful expereinces, but in the end it shapes part of me. I must look back at those moments of melancholy as positive experiences for if I had not lived them....I would not be me.

Sometimes you experience moments that are great and full of gratification....but later feel not so great about said experiences....the paradox of it all......

I probably don't make much sense right now, but then again life doesn't make sense to me many times.


And I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them.
In my life I loved you more

The fourth Reich has risen

The actions by the state of Israel have never been benevolent towards humanity. The recent actions by that oppressive country on a humanitarian mission echos this reality. I am appalled, saddened but more enraged that the actions of this nation goes unchecked.

Because the USA does not have the balls to impose a sanction or condemnation of Israeli atrocities, I can only hope that IRAN gains a nuclear presence to finally check the state of Israel.

I am for peace and I am for equality....ISRAEL REPRESENTS NONE OF THOSE HUMAN PRINCIPLES!!!!!

Arizona's Illegal Immigrant Law

My first reaction to Arizona’s SB1070 was, “It’s about fucking time!” I wasn’t aware at the time of the racial profiling this law creates until later. Nonetheless, I still don’t feel angry about this matter. Truth is I agree with the principle behind this law. I agree that there are too many illegal immigrants in this country draining our resources and committing crimes. I also feel the majority of these people come to the country to better themselves and improve their respective families’ lives.
So many countries throughout the world do not tolerate illegal immigrants yet the world expects the US to take care of them regardless of the effects upon our nation. What truly enrages me is when I see Mexican government officials condemning our laws as discriminatory. To them I say this: is it not illegal for a non-Mexican to own property in Mexico? Doesn’t Mexico deport numerous Central Americans because they are illegal? Hypocrites! Perhaps if the rest of the world took better care of its citizens and respective countries we wouldn’t have such a dilemma on our hands.
One thing that holds illegal immigrants back is their lack of assimilation. I’m certain that if more would actually learn to speak English and learn about this country’s history and traditions we would be better off as would the immigrants.
I don’t claim to have a solution to illegal immigration and I acknowledge it is a matter we must deal with soon. Arizona has the right idea, but the wrong approach.

Let it be known that I don’t always focus on negativity in my updates for I have the following to state: As I close out this week I want to thank the following for making my life more pleasant and gratifying (please note that my sense of appreciation is not listed in order of significance, but in what presents itself to my mind at the time of composition).
1) My Dad-My true best friend. The most compassionate man I know and my guide in life. I can only strive to be half the man he is, for my father possess the intelligence of a scholar and the cunning of a king.
2) My sister: I never tire of speaking with my little chubby. Varinia has become one of the most intelligent and cogent humans I have encountered. I am deeply honored and gratified that she is my sister. I adore her with all I have.
3) Mom-Above all YOU are the light of MY LIFE. My earliest and fondest memories are of YOU. The love I hold for you is unmatched. You are without a doubt my strongest love in my life.
4) My friends: Eduardo , Miguel, Edgar…I love you guys and I thank you for being in my life. Wonderful moments all of us have shared.
I reflect only on this week, but I think of all my friends and family that have touched my life. I am fortunate to have you all….and I do mean ALL!

Being in Love vs. Loving Someone

The beauty of Facebook is it's application in connecting and re-connecting friends, family, acquaintances and sometimes ideas. A friend of mine on FB posed the question about knowing the difference between loving someone and being in love.

Hmmm, love...I've been in love and do love. I love my family, friends, pets and myself. As for being in love, I don't find myself in that state at the moment. I've experienced it and must say it can be joyous and painful...but mostly it's an experience.

My response to my friend's question may sound a bit pessimistic to many, but it derives from my personal experiences. I stated the following: 'Loving = compassion and genuine feelings. Being in love = delusion and setting oneself up for hurt and disappointment.' Yeah, I know, pretty gloom. What can I say, I speak from the heart.

Anyway, my experiences in relationships and other encounters with women are what drives my opinion. I feel that once you fall in love with someone you lose focus of what some may call self. You trade your self for the betterment and happiness of another. You usually are selfless and strive to please the object of your love. Sometimes this love one feels is not reciprocal unfortunately. In the event one's partner feels the same, love can be a great.

Nonetheless, I feel that this type of love is short lived and not genuine. Most people get bored with their partner or just lose interest along the way. Sometimes partners are unfaithful. People going through these turmoils sometimes stay together no matter how miserable they are because they claim to be in love. I say they're so accustomed to being with that other person that they lose their sense of self and are afraid to be without that significant other.

Infidelity is a huge factor in my way of thinking. I feel that monogamy is quite unnatural for humans. Because of this, people "cheat" and others get hurt as a result. It would be far easier if society could move past this notion of monogamy being a guiding principle in relationships. How many times has a person you know been "cheated" on? How many people are you aware of that have cheated on their significant other? How many times have YOU cheated on any significant other?

I've been both victim and perpetrator in this matter. It no longer surprises me when a married or attached woman cheats on her man..hell I've been the lucky one in those exchanges many times. Those encounters have reinforced my belief that loving someone is not worth it. I think about the women I've been with that lie to their husbands, boyfriends, fiances, etc., and how these women claim to love them, but here they are next to me...

In the end, I suppose I have rejected the idea that I will one day fall in love, get married and grow old with a "wife"....I am at peace with this realization.

Riding

This weekend I had a great time riding around Southern California....home. While I've been riding for a couple years, this weekend was perhaps the most gratifying. The weather was superb and prime for riding...t-shirt riding weather.

I spent many months unable to ride due to a devastating knee injury. It is weekends like this that I live for. I can never imagine not riding. It is my passion, my therapy, my way of living; the best thing I've ever done for myself.

Kids...

A few weeks ago I had a conversation with an old friend and the topic of kids came up. She asked if I ever wanted to have any of my own. This question has been asked of me many times by different people on different occasions and in various forms. My simple answer has always been that I don't want kids. Usually my response is met with bewilderment. It is assumed most people want to marry and have children of their own. I don't fall into that category. I've felt this way for most of my life.

I wonder sometimes why it is that I feel this way. I had a wonderful childhood, have loving and supportive parents and sister. Many have told me throughout the years that I am lucky to have such a family. I must agree with them all because I do feel loved by my family and I return it as well.

With this upbringing one would think I would desire a family of my own. I have my reasons for not wanting kids, but the prime reason would have to be that I have no parental instinct or curiosity to procreate. Truth is I've never been good with kids and I have little patience for parental responsibilities.

I had a small taste of parenthood's responsibilities when I lived with my ex-girlfriend and her son. He was a good kid, respectful and kind. Nonetheless, I knew after sometime that the world of parenthood was not for me. Going to little league games/practices, kids parties, watching kids movies, etc. These were just some of the things I didn't like, but the overall responsibility of having a kid just seemed like such a drag! I found myself not being to happy and quite depressed.

Some have suggested that I would feel different about doing those things if it were my own kid. I doubt it. I'm much too concerned with my own well-being and happiness to devote my life to a child. This admission has provided me with much freedom.

To those that do chose to bring life into this world, it is my hope that much thought and love is devoted to such decision. It is a tragedy to have so many unwanted and unplanned souls roaming this earth without love and guidance.

Treason by the Politicians

I read today's Los Angeles Times article about Vice-President Joe Biden's visit to Israel and some remarks he made while speaking at a gathering of sorts. Our VP made remarks such as, "It's good to be home," and "The cornerstone of the relationship is our absolute, total, unvarnished commitment to Israel's security."

Correct me if I'm wrong, but shouldn't our politicians be wholly committed to our country only? It sickens me to know that our politicians lack the ability to stop supporting a country that continues to violate international laws repeatedly. I recognize that there must have been some use to have Israel as an ally during the Cold War, however, that time is long gone and support for Israel causes us much more harm than any good.

Why must the US taxpayer support a country to the tune of $7-$10 million dollars per day if it receives nothing in return? The only reason our politicians support Israel is because of the influence the Israel lobby has on this country's political landscape. Any politician that dares challenge Israel in any form is promptly labeled anti-Semitic and targeted by groups such as AIPAC as "enemies of Israel."

I am enraged that politicians rather assist Israel than help out the citizens of this country. Support America and Americans. Israel can take care of its own.

Fundamentalism

I'm currently reading three books. One book titled The Family by Jeff Sharlet is about Christian fundamentalism and the power it wields on American government. The book is educational and eye-opening to anyone interested in how some Christians in positions of political power utilize their influence for the benefit of Jesus.

What I find most interesting about this book is the in depth research the author underwent in order to accomplish the feat of writing this book. This guy truly did his homework. I learned of this book through Bill Maher's TV show on HBO, Real Time with Bill Maher. The author was a guest on his show and spoke about this book.

Because I am an atheist and seek to better understand the various intricacies surrounding religion, this book appealed to me, thus I purchased it and here I am. I can't say I am surprised by what the book contains. It tells of a group of politicians and some clergy that seek to influence government for the benefit of the christian agenda. This group considers itself not so much an organization, but a "Family." The Family's aim is to place people in positions of power or influence those that already are in power for the purpose of advancing christian "values." They operate in relative secrecy and their members consist of members of both Democrat and Republican political parties.

What alarms me the most, however, is the lengths these individuals go to undermine the American government's foundation of separation between church and state. Most Christians argue that this country is founded on christian principles and that our forefathers designed it as such. Nothing could be further from the truth. These Christians erroneously claim that the forefathers were "god-fearing" men of the faith.

I must say that I've read enough to know that Jefferson, Washington, Paine, Franklin and many others were vehemently opposed to an established religion influencing or running government. These men may or may not have been agnostics/atheists, but their writings, correspondence and thoughts surly demonstrate their disdain for Christianity and religion in general.

I find it insulting that people insist this country should be governed by Christian principles. For the most part, I find that these same fundamentalists are the biggest "sinners" around. How many Republican politicians condemn gays because the bible claims it is wrong only later to have those same politicians casting stones smoking a pole!!! Closet homosexuals is what most these Republicans are indeed.

Anyway, back from my rant. I feel that religion causes more harm than good to this country and society as a whole. I pity those that place their energy into faiths that are outdated and rooted in fantasy. I doubt we will ever experience genuine peace and understanding amongst us so long as religion perpetuates intolerance towards others.

Well, that's what's on my mind...much more on this subject, but then I'll end up writing for days!

Paz mi gente!

In the beginning

OK, here it is. My own blog. Yea! Anyway, I'd like to thank my friend Roz for guiding me to this site. Now that I'm here I suppose I can use this to create journal of sorts to document my thoughts and experiences. I don't have a particular aim or goal in mind, however, I do feel this endeavor may help clear my mind and provide a therapy of sorts.

At the moment I have a lot on my mind. The economy, relationships, friendships, religion, politics, women, education.....etc. Needless to say this is going to be lengthy at times. I acknowledge having strong opinions about many subjects while being aloof to others so I'll probably just gloss over certain topics and dig deep into others.

I don't expect anyone to pay any mind to my rants, but comments are welcome. Perhaps I'll learn a bit about myself...or just offend many in the process. Either way I don't seek to offend anyone, but I'm sure that will occur. My friends will note that I am direct and don't sugar coat my thoughts. I believe in being tactful but sometimes tact needs to be kicked through the uprights.

With that said, I'll start off with what's currently on my mind...facebook, friends and exes (former significant others). Last night a friend of mine (who shall remain nameless) wanted to know how it came to be that I was "friends" with a particular female on FB. Now, I don't think I've ever had anyone question me as to why I had a particular person listed as a "friend," but this question did have merit. As it turns out, my real friend was formerly involved in a relationship with this particular female. This was news to me since I didn't know this female on an individual basis nor was I aware that my friend and she dated in the past. This female requested to be my "friend" some months back and I accepted assuming she was associated with my social circle in some form. That was not the case. Well, needless to say my friend was not pleased about my association with his ex and asked I remove her from my "friends" list.

Exes are a touchy matter many. I am of the thought that on ex is an "ex" for a reason. Either you got dumped or you dumped him/her. The point being that an intimate relationship is no longer healthy from at least one person's point of view. Logic dictates when a relationship comes to an end your exes actions should not be of any concern. We are not logical creatures, however, when matters of the heart are involved.

Now getting back the situation at hand. Since I don't know this female and I value my friendship and bond with my friend, this was a non-issue for me. The female was unceremoniously removed from my friend's list and the matter resolved. This could have been avoided by not adding this person in the first place, since I make it a point to not add people I don't know as "friends" on FB. Assumptions make asses out of oneself (as we have all heard).

I just wonder, however, what were this person's motives in requesting me as a friend? We communicated a total of one time since I accepted her request, so I'm puzzled needless to say. For another, my friend was truly disturbed and angry because of this issue. I don't know the nature of his relationship with the female in question, nor is it any of my business, but I ask myself, 'If she's an ex, what does it matter who she associates with?' Some of us are possesive and jealous when it comes to significant others...an unfortunate reality especially if a relationship no longer exists.

As I stated earlier, because I value my friendship this was not an issue with me in any form. I must also add that I am strongly opposed into getting involved with any of my friend's exes. I've seen it happen around me on various occasions and it is always ugly for those involved. Too many women out there to focus on your buddy's girl/ex.

That's it for now...unless I have something else to rant about later.

Hasta Luego!