Being in Love vs. Loving Someone

The beauty of Facebook is it's application in connecting and re-connecting friends, family, acquaintances and sometimes ideas. A friend of mine on FB posed the question about knowing the difference between loving someone and being in love.

Hmmm, love...I've been in love and do love. I love my family, friends, pets and myself. As for being in love, I don't find myself in that state at the moment. I've experienced it and must say it can be joyous and painful...but mostly it's an experience.

My response to my friend's question may sound a bit pessimistic to many, but it derives from my personal experiences. I stated the following: 'Loving = compassion and genuine feelings. Being in love = delusion and setting oneself up for hurt and disappointment.' Yeah, I know, pretty gloom. What can I say, I speak from the heart.

Anyway, my experiences in relationships and other encounters with women are what drives my opinion. I feel that once you fall in love with someone you lose focus of what some may call self. You trade your self for the betterment and happiness of another. You usually are selfless and strive to please the object of your love. Sometimes this love one feels is not reciprocal unfortunately. In the event one's partner feels the same, love can be a great.

Nonetheless, I feel that this type of love is short lived and not genuine. Most people get bored with their partner or just lose interest along the way. Sometimes partners are unfaithful. People going through these turmoils sometimes stay together no matter how miserable they are because they claim to be in love. I say they're so accustomed to being with that other person that they lose their sense of self and are afraid to be without that significant other.

Infidelity is a huge factor in my way of thinking. I feel that monogamy is quite unnatural for humans. Because of this, people "cheat" and others get hurt as a result. It would be far easier if society could move past this notion of monogamy being a guiding principle in relationships. How many times has a person you know been "cheated" on? How many people are you aware of that have cheated on their significant other? How many times have YOU cheated on any significant other?

I've been both victim and perpetrator in this matter. It no longer surprises me when a married or attached woman cheats on her man..hell I've been the lucky one in those exchanges many times. Those encounters have reinforced my belief that loving someone is not worth it. I think about the women I've been with that lie to their husbands, boyfriends, fiances, etc., and how these women claim to love them, but here they are next to me...

In the end, I suppose I have rejected the idea that I will one day fall in love, get married and grow old with a "wife"....I am at peace with this realization.